Thanks, Katie

Three Dames With A Clue interviewed me.
It's posted as an Authentic Expression on their site.

I'm pretty tickled. It's an honor to be included on a cool site like that.
Thanks, Ladies.

Everything is Possible

"Today is pregnant."
- cosRobPerkins

I pulled over at the county airport and sat in my car watching little planes take off on little journeys.

Sometimes when you're looking at the newly broken glass thinking about things you don't normally think about, the way suddenly becomes clear.

I remember driving south on Route 1 down the coast of California until we ran out of cash. We drank wine and slept on the beach. We cleaned somebody's house for gas money.
I remember waking up one morning with an idea and walking into the admissions office at a college.
I remember being in the Dallas Fort Worth airport on a hold over and just walking out those glass doors into the daylight. Missing my connection. Not going home. Having no idea what I was doing or where I was going.

Today is pregnant with possibility.

We're only limited by our own self imposed life condoms and dream abortions. Little planes and little journeys are always within reach.

"Standing in the sun with a popsicle
Everything is possible
With alot of luck and a pretty face
And some time to waste.
Leave without a trace."
-Soul Asylum
.

Something Sacred

"I’m not the light outside of the window
I’m not a damsel in distress.
I’m not the gold at the end of the rainbow
And I am not a lost princess.
Are you my love, my landlord, my lawyer?
Are you the one I build my world around?
Or are we wrapped in black paranoia
Ready to attack and take each other down."
- Second Person



We search for answers in the fringe.
In the parts that don't make any sense,
the moments that follow the events that change everything forever.
Like a secondary virus, that attaches and leeches off the damage from the first.
That's where we look for reasons.
That's where we ask the big questions.

He went alone. He believed in aftermath but he never made excuses. I remember the way he could stand up and take it no matter how bad it got. But I remember how he didn't fit in, and how sensitive he was. He'd say things with such meaning, but only in whisper. Only in the quiet. He knew most people around us didn't want to hear.

He went alone. Probably because he knew he wouldn't be returning. He warned me he'd do this one day. But he didn't say when or where. He didn't explain. I think he understood that it would be more significant for us to wonder why than to know.

He went alone, and that was the last we knew. He just disappeared. He started again someplace. The bus rolled back into town and he wasn't on it. Everyone was surprised except me. As sad as I was I cheered inside. He started over. And I believe he's someplace good and he isn't alone anymore.

I believe in self inflicted excommunication. I believe in profiles and bios. I believe we write our own story. I believe we can invent our selves and our lives. I believe in range erase and starting from scratch.


The answers aren't sacred.
The questions are.


.

Never Mind

By the time you love me I'll be long gone.

There's some serious soul searching to do and I'm pseudo semi seriously invincible.

Admit it. This is all too familiar. You know it on a dark level, in a secret place. Everything I said rings true in some way. The things I said when you didn't love me don't matter. It's only in hindsight that you squint and duck.

This is all too you. The real you, the buried you. The earth of you. It's you in the middle of the night, in the middle of your madness and genius and ache. It's the you I saw, even when you wouldn't let me. It's the you I remember.

You weren't made of gold. But I could see you glimmer.
It's in the way you sigh when you suddenly see.

It's your best stuff and you know it. It's the work you do when you aren't on the clock.
Like the things you write in your head while you're driving all alone in the rain.

You were always misfired. The right Word, the wrong moment. The right road, the wrong way.

And this is what they mean when they say
never mind.
.

The Road

It's 4AM and he's saying where can we go from here,
and I'm saying where can we get something to eat.
He's saying try to be serious, and I'm saying this isn't the way.

I'm looking at the road. I'm trying to see it.

I'm saying I think I can build something real.
I'm saying I don't know how to get there.
He's saying he thinks there's a vaccine for that.

It was a line or a moment. Either way, it was then and temporary.
Passed. And in time it was nothing more
than a story I'd tell over and over,
with tequila and squinting,
in local dives with stand still faces. In time,
what I said wasn't as relative as the Words I'd remember.
In time,
this would become the road.

And I remember his saying
over and over that eventually
we will all find our own way.
And I remember knowing that isn't the case.
I remember saying, it finds us.

Travel advisory prevents departures
and he's saying maybe we were meant to stay.
I'm saying we should fight harder to go.
And I'm telling him for once
I am sure of the way.

He's saying this is the road that lost him.
This is the highway that lead him astray.
And I'm saying,
all roads,
my love,
go there.

I'm saying I can hear the voices in his head that turn down the blankets and put a mint on the pillow inviting you to surrender and lay down.
He's saying lay down. He's saying surrender.
And I'm saying there's still something more to say.

It went up and down like headlights in the rearview
as he hit the potholes and the cracks in concrete.
He's saying maybe he should slow down.
And I'm saying, I can't be your quota cop. The bump doesn't matter. Go as fast as you need to go.

He's saying this road has no outlet.
He's saying this road only goes one way
He's saying there is no detour.
He's saying you look like an angel in the fading.

And I'm saying I know: The devil told me.

He's saying things like when and once.
And I'm saying, pull over.
I will walk this alone.



-The photo is by Richard Bray, who gave me his permission to post it here with my Words.

Intermission with LD

While watching Disturbia:

LD – Where do I know that guy from?

Me – That’s David Morse. You know him from St Elsewhere.

LD – Is that the guy from the Greatest American Hero?

Me – No. That was the guy from Carrie. [William Katt]

LD – Oh. OK. Then, is he the guy from The Kristy McNichol show?

Me – Family. No. [Gary Frank]

LD – The Paper Chase?

Me – No. Wait, which one? The movie or the TV show?

LD – He was in one of them?

Me – No, he wasn’t in either.

LD - Then why the hell are you asking me that?

Me – Sorry.

LD – I’m pretty sure he was the one in the movie.

Me – No, in the movie that’s Timothy Bottoms - The Last Picture Show. Dirt.

LD – So he was in the TV show then.

Me – No! [James Stephens]

LD – I’m pretty sure he was a doctor in something.

Me – He was! You’re right! That’s what I said first! You know him from St. Elsewhere!

LD – Wait, what was the one with the rats?

Me - Oh yeah. Willard.

LD – Is that this guy?

Me – No. that was Bruce Davison. And we had this conversation when you saw him on the L Word.

LD – That’s right! And I determined that all these guys are the same guy!!

Me – They really aren’t. Look, this is the guy from Twelve Monkeys. And he plays the dick cop on House.

LD, looking at the movie again, – 16 Blocks?

Me – Yes! Yes, he was the dick cop in 16 Blocks, too!

LD – Ah, OK! I got it now. The guy from Equus!

Me – What?! No! Not even close. [Peter Firth]

LD – Yes-close! Equus-guy looks just like the rest of these guys if they are in fact plural.

Me – Alright, he looks like them a little, but he’s English.

LD – So? That means he can’t look like any body?

Me – Forget it. Just watch the movie.

LD, after short pause, - I have a thing for Shia. Was he in Empire Records?